[Book] How to be an Alien - George Mikes

 

《How to be an Alien》Penguin Readers（Level 3），由匈牙利作家George Mikes在1946年出版，書名為《How to be an Alien: a handbook for beginners and more advanced pupils》。閱讀這本書是因為上一本《British Life》裡引用了George Mikes的一段話：

If you go for a walk with a friend, don't say a word for hours; if you go out for a walk with your dog, keep chatting to him.

作者以外國人(an alien)的角度敘述英國人生活點滴，這整本書從頭到尾都非常幽默風趣，部份內容甚至讓英國人覺得很無理。全書簡單分成兩部份：Part 1 The Most Important Rules、Part 2 Less Important Rules and some Special Examples

開始前言又一段調侃英國人老愛把「天氣」如何如何掛在嘴邊，他說：

The weather is the most important subject in the land. In Europe, people say, 'He is the type of person who talks about the weather', to show that somebody is very boring. In England, the weather is always an interesting, exciting subject and you must be good at talking about it.

第一章就跟初學者警告：In England, everything is the other way round.

最好笑的是第三章「如何聊天氣」，參考範例：好天氣、壞天氣

For Good Weather	For Bad Weather
"Lovely day, isn't it?" "Isn't it beautiful?" "The sun ..." "Isn't it gorgeous?" "Wonderful, isn't it?" "It's so nice and hot ..." "Personally, I think it's so nice when it's hot - isn't it?" "I adore it - don't you?"	"Nasty day, isn't it?" "Isn't it dreadful?" "The rain ... I hate the rain ..." "I don't like it at all. Do you?" "Fancy such a day in July. Rain in the morning, then a bit of sunshine, and then rain, rain, rain all day long." "I remember exactly the same July day in 1936." "Yes, I remember too." "Or was it in 1928?" "Yes, it was." "Or in 1939?" "Yes, that's right."

第五章 Soul：Not Quite Saying What You Mean
拿英國人說話模稜兩可令人猜不透的回答方式和歐洲人對比

Foreigners have souls;  the English do not  have  souls.  In Europe you find many people who  look  sad.This  is soul.…All  this is very  deep.  It  is soul,  just  soul.  But  the English have no soul.  Instead  they  say  less than  they  mean. 

第九章 How  Not  to  Be  Clever 千萬別被英國人的隨口稱讚而開心得意呦

'You foreigners are so clever,' a woman said to me some years ago. I know many foreigners who are stupid. I thought she was being kind  but nor quite honest. 

Now  I  know  that she  was not being kind.These words showed that she did not like foreigners. Look at the word 'clever' in any English dictionary. These dictionaries say 'clever' means, 'quick, intelligent'. These are nice adjectives but the dictionaries  are all a little out of date.  A modern Englishman uses the word 'clever' to mean 'possibly a bit dishonest, un-English,  un-Scottish, un-Welsh'.

身份認同這件事情，離開家越久就越搞不清楚哪一邊是回家。之前有位英國朋友問Leon：你覺得自己比較像英國人還是台灣人。Leon：I'm a British/Taiwanese when it suits me. 果然很有英國人模稜兩可的回答方式。

延伸閱讀：
http://f2.org/humour/howalien.html